Does division of labour at home work?

I recently stumbled on a radio breakfast show discussing how modern husbands are now on duty rosters for housework.

The sentiments for and against this practice were telling of the challenges facing young marriages today. Both the husband and wife now go to work, bring money home and get equally tired. However it is still expected that the woman has to keep a home, take care of the husband and take care of the children at the end of a tiring day.

A man washing dishes

 This complexity is more pronounced among younger couples. I am a firm supporter of happy marriages and I believe cooperation is key for this. However creating a duty roster is a quick fix that won’t work with many people. I nevertheless believe each family is unique and so for those the duty roster is working keep doing it and have fun.

For the many men who don’t support the sharing of duties or the women who would want it but can’t have it because their spouses won’t hear of it, don’t kill yourself over it. Instead find a way round it.

Your husband might not be the kind that will get into the kitchen or change the diaper but he is the only husband you got. The chorus that men and women are equal might be attractive to the ears but it might just be the beginning of your unhappiness in marriage. Don’t go with the crowd, appreciate the kind of spouse you have.

Instead of fighting, pitying yourself or even killing yourself with work get a practical way out. The easiest way would be to get someone to do it. It can be the ‘mama nguo’ or a house help. The trick is not to kill yourself with all the work, always remember the goal is getting it done not necessarily doing it. It might be admirable to tell your friends or colleagues how your husband cooks for you, but don’t kill your marriage to make him do it so you can share it with your friends.

One thing that makes it easier to see this practicability and adopt, is seeing the other good he does. He may not be washing utensils but he could be getting you regular gifts, fixes whatever is broken in the house, takes your car to the garage, does homework with the kids and other things. He might be taking more than one job to make more for the family. At the end of the day know your man and appreciate what he can do. If he is the type that goes to the kitchen, then praise the lord, if he isn’t kind get another way to do it.

However I am not giving a free pass to the men. It doesn’t hurt to be considerate. Remember she too brings a salary home.

Don’t let your wife kill herself with housework such that she even has no time or energy to have some good time with you. Even if you are the traditional kind, there is always something you can do to assist. You might not cook or clean up but there is nothing so feminine about ironing clothes or polishing your shoes. At least take the burden of such tasks off her back.
At the end of the day, marriage is about what is practical enough and what gives you the best balance. There are too many things to fight about, just know which ones are worth haggling over till you get a compromise and what to go round or ignore.