Home > Fulfilling marriages....., Inspiring testimonies > When he is not all mushy mushy…

When he is not all mushy mushy…


What do you do when he is not all mushy mushy like you would want?

I have had two heated discussion on this question in the last week. Two of my friends in what many would consider happy relationships feel they are missing something in their relationships.

“He is a good provider and is usually at home with us but he won’t touch me suggestively in public or even hold my hand,” complains one of them.

In a separate conversation Jane* adds: “He is a focused man and he is even building a home for us and won’t forget my birthday but sometimes I want a gifts a little more often.”

Man cooking for his woman

Man cooking for his woman

 

It is not the first time I am hearing this complain. Some people have even associated this one’s background with my folks from Central Kenya said to be too flat romantically.

I have been in a similar situation a number of times where my spouse has challenged me to be more affectionate. In my soul search I have realized that sometimes some people are just not wired that way and it takes a little more energy to be that.

For a woman in this kind of a relationship, it can be tricky especially when your man is the ‘good’ type. You don’t want to appear like you are this ungrateful person. However don’t beat yourself too much. He may be the dream man for others, but the reality is that you desire something more. Be honest about it but watch out how you do it so that you do not appear ungrateful. There is an opportunity to let him know that there is something he could do to make you happier while appreciating what they have done.

On the other hand learn to appreciate his way of showing affection. Like a friend of mine recently admitted people are different. “…with time I have learnt that he shows love differently. Once in a while he will go all mushy and surprise me,” she said.

A father doing homework with the daughter

A father doing homework with the daughter

He may not kiss you in public but he may be the kind that will always carry a gift home in the evening. If he feels unappreciated on this it might discourage him from doing it. Probably he won’t be the kind that will cook for you or bring you breakfast in bed,  but  takes time to play and talk with the kids and gives you attention.

It helps to appreciate that you may be admiring someone out there who appears much more romantic that your man but might be shocked to realize that when it comes to what matters in life, they score very low. Acknowledge what your man is doing even as you challenge him to become better.

 

 

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