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What going beyond 50-50 does to your marriage


That marriage is a 50-50 affair is one of the most misused statements in modern day marriage.

Many young people get married with the perception that what they do for their partner will be determined by how much their partner does for them. Unfortunately this principle of “give me so that I can give you” takes from marriage instead of growing it. It makes marriage more of a transaction than a relationship.image

This principle implies that a partner does their 50 percent then the spouse does his/her 50 percent so that they meet at the middle. Accordingly the man provides for his family then he earns his respect. The wife brings up disciplined children in return and earns her place. On the front, a man who loses his job or doesn’t earn as much as the woman loses his position and respect

What this rule doesn’t appreciate is the fact that so often than not what we do for each other is not equal. Today one partner might have to do more as compared to the other and vice versa. So if we are not careful one will withhold doing a lot of good since the partner hasn’t matched it or earned it.

Secondly, the 50-50 rule in essence means that when your partner fails to do their part you too ignore yours. That is why you hear statements like “why should I respect him yet he shows me no love?” The men will in turn ask, “Why should I go home early yet yesterday she acted like she did not notice me when I got in.” So the cycle goes on and on…….. The truth of the matter is that one time or the other our partners will disappoint us. Sometimes it is for a short period while other times a partner may go off the mark for months or even or years. Do you just give up because he is not doing his/her 50?

He might be coming late daily for the last one week, but snubbing him solves nothing. Why not cross over beyond your 50 and soberly start a conversation of what it means to you and the kids when he gets home early. It could mean you making home a little more exciting for him to want to come early to. I know this could be humbling but if it is worth it why not sacrifice your pride/worth.

Probably you came home late and she never bothered to warm food for you but get on it who did you expect her and your kids to spend time with? Calmly find out why instead of getting onto the cold war. Because you did not get a welcome smile when you arrived home earlier last night does not mean she does appreciate it, she could be taking time to believe this is not a one day off thing. Keep doing it.

The Truth is that your wife needs to be appreciated, consulted when making major decisions and shown lots of affection. The men crave to be admired, respected and taken care of. However when one partner withhold the good to punish the other for not doing their part it ends up sucking the little good in the relationship.

A friend of mine once told me when it comes to married the 50-50 rule never works. You do the 100 percent and just hope and pray that your partner does their 100. Amazing wisdom!

There are shared testimonies of those who have done just that and their partners have tended to reciprocate. For some it has taken days for their spouses to turn around, others weeks and some even months. I cannot give a 100 percent assurance of turn around but the reality however is that a good number has responded positively.

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