Your woman’s dreams, your responsibility!

When Margaret told her husband that she wanted to pursue a career in baking he was dumbfounded, not sure what to feel or say.

By then Margaret was a graduate economist and a CPA K accountant. The cost of attaining the two certificates, the pressure of the studies and the strain of combining this with a young family did not equal ending up baking cakes.

Justus tells me that at first he thought the wife should get out there and look for a corporate job like all of us. Her two certificates could definitely earn her a well paying job.

However after looking at the desire and determination in her eyes Justus decided to support his wife’s dreams. Her determination won his heart and persuaded him to back  her whether the project worked or not.

My friend put aside his desires and what he though was good for his wife and allowed her to pursue her dreams even though he was not sure they would work. There are times things seemed like they were not working but he stood by her.

Justus has had to stay up late as he gave his wife emotional support. He has had to give her the car on weekends to enable her supply her cakes to weddings.

With his support Margaret’s business has grown and she now supplies cakes to up to seven weddings in one weekend besides other individual and corporate orders.

The story of Justus and Margaret challenges me a lot on supporting the women in our lives to be their best.

The bible has a heavy charge for us men. It calls on husbands to “love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it that he might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of water by the word.

That he might present it to himself a glorious church, not having spot, or wrinkle, or any such thing; but that it should be holy and without blemish. So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loves his wife loves himself.” Ephesians 5.25-28

My understanding of this scripture is that men ought to refine their wives, bring out the best in them and discover the precious gifts in them. Actually we are charged to present to Christ a perfect woman.

Justus himself an electrical engineer did not seek to push his dreams and the conventional expectations on his wife. He instead appreciated the desire in her and chose to support her.

Men are called to lead. Leading is not bossing, it is showing the way. Being the head does not mean making decisions and dictating the way.  It is identifying the good in them and pushing (supporting and encouraging) them to become the best. It is sacrificing for those we are leading.

Like men love to be admired, women crave to be affirmed. They long for acceptance and endorsement.  Even if you don’t like her career path learn to appreciate her. You never know what it means to her until you do it.

It is better to have a successful woman who loves her job (which you disapprove) than a failure in your preferred career path.

I have found businessmen who push their wives (who love to pursue a career in the corporate world) towards their businesses. The net effect is that you end up with a frustrated woman who loses her career and yet won’t succeed in the business.

If your wife chooses to be a businesswoman quit pushing her to the corporate world. Give her the support and let her succeed in it. Even if it fails, help her identify another path and support her.

Interestingly women have no problem being led if only their views and opinions are respected. Even the strongest of them longs for a strong pillar to lean on.

Wonder why women make very dedicated employees?

Watching little girls around their fathers affirms this thought. They are often fascinated by their fathers. The little girl loves being in his arms, dancing with him or going out with him.

Boys on the other hand have little time for their fathers. They spend time experimenting things.

Your woman needs someone to appreciate the gift in her and challenge her to get out of the nest and be the best.

Criticizing your woman is the sure way of killing her dreams and pushing her away from you.

When downtrodden strong women slip away from their men and do it on their own. No wonder a good number of successful women are single. Funny enough though, even these credit their success to a supportive father, an uncle or their pastors.

When demoralized the submissive woman (who loves peace) withdraws and loses her dreams.

The dreamer you married needs support and encouragement.  If you don’t support her you will certainly lose her. She will stagnate and you will start thinking she is boring.

They say behind every successful man there is a woman. I add: at the back of every successful woman is a man who believes in her, a strong leader!