Home > Dating responsibly....., Fulfilling marriages..... > Massage His Ego, Grow His Commitment

Massage His Ego, Grow His Commitment

Men do not marry a woman because of her beauty; they marry a woman because of how they “Feel” in her presence, said one Dr Mike Murdock.

Whereas men derive their confidence and self esteem from their career and achievement his woman remains the single most enhancer of his self esteem.

There is never a middle ground on this; you either have a man who is always enthusiastic to tell you plans for the family, career, business and other dreams or a timid gentleman.

Woman serving his man

Those men who have been belittled at home either remain quiet at home or become runaway husbands with the bar, office and mistresses being their escape destinations.

Your man has got an ego, safeguard it

I know many women hate hearing the word, ‘ego’ but that is a critical aspect of a man. His ego builds the pride in your man to be responsible, take care of his family and protect it. The greatest responsibility of a woman is to safeguard her man’s ego.

If you want to chase him away keep bruising his ego, if you want him to perform his best in his responsibilities keep affirming him. Men are not necessarily looking for a stunning beautiful woman, but a secure and confident lady who will respect them.

Just like women want to be valued, pampered, taken out and their feelings understood men love it when their ego is Massaged

Avoid shouting him down

Many women lie to themselves that by shouting at their men they will tow them into line but in most cases it doesn’t. Just like the women love it when their men listen to them when they are offloading, men appreciate to be listened to during a conflict resolution moment. You don’t win by shouting him down, you lose him.

It helps when you listened to his side of the story even when you think you are right instead of tearing down what they are saying midway. There is no man so insensitive that they can’t understand your views when addressed with respect. Shouting your man down will more likely bruise his ego, send him to quietness and eventually send him away from your house.

Whereas women love letting out when they are angry but your man is not your door mat to tell all the bad words in your heart. All of us get angry the difference is what we do with it.  If you can’t control your anger learn to hold your words till you have cooled down.

RELATED ARTICLE: She craves for you

Be a good host

Everyman wants to build a successful family, more so we all want to portray this to friends and family. Besides their ego, men’s confidence is boosted by the ability to bring up a successful marriage

Every man prides in a warm home created by the woman of their dreams. Serving his visitors warmly feeds his pride and earns you extra points. When his friends and family are around your man is looking up to you to be a good host. Build his confidence by putting your best foot forward in making his visitors comfortable.

Whether he cooks for you and cleans utensils when his friends and family members are around is not the time to ask him to do so. He wants to create the impression that he has a lovely responsible woman by his side.

Your man’s confidence and responsibility is boosted by your affirmation, respect and encouragement.

Men on the other hand need to pamper their women gladly, READ MORE HERE

  1. kimani daniel
    February 4, 2014 at 4:50 pm

    The article articulates the very basics of a relationship. I love the fact that a woman wrote it. Seems all is not lost in thw institutionnof marriage

  2. December 5, 2013 at 12:14 pm

    hey admin, do you need to get a present or gift for a loved one who has a birthday, wedding? or just to let someone know how much they mean to you? like our page: https://www.facebook.com/proddyenterprise and checkout our customized gifts and presents at http://www.gnmutwiri.wix.com/jazlyn-gifts

  3. Gloria
    December 4, 2013 at 7:51 pm

    I think selfishness has a role to play in your scenario.
    I have been there and I now know that it’s not our fault. Some humans are just plain selfish. No matter what you do or how hard you try,they don’t get it.some people don’t even know what they had even when it’s gone.
    We can only hope to be blessed with likeminded partners.
    Take heart,all will be well.

    • December 5, 2013 at 5:48 am

      Wish you well Gloria, I bilieve there are like minded partners out there

  4. December 4, 2013 at 10:36 am

    Reblogged this on Poetical Gab.

  5. steps
    August 21, 2013 at 7:20 am

    very informative and it’s something that can be done but as one said it , men need to love their wife/lady’s in their lives and like wise a woman/gr’frined will respond and submit with no problem. communicate , communicate and communicate both parties in a respectable and loving manner and watch what God will do to such a unionship.

  6. elizabeth
    August 20, 2013 at 2:26 pm

    I think all this is reasonable. although speaking from experience ive tried and tested and got none of the above in return. the one time in the span of our relationship I raised my voice it became ive humiliated him. I think its time people started giving notes to men on how to treat a woman who gives them all they need n more. or plain n simply just teach some men how to be men.. im just saying…

  7. Carole
    August 20, 2013 at 11:22 am

    this is just literature! crap c u r saying nothing on what can make a woman fail to massage that ego. everybody is human

  8. August 20, 2013 at 10:51 am

    Interesting Read

  9. Purity
    August 13, 2013 at 8:58 am

    This is just great!

  10. carol
    June 22, 2013 at 8:48 am


  11. Githae
    June 21, 2013 at 3:41 pm

    Totally agree. Ooh that I may find such a woman.

  12. August 21, 2012 at 2:02 pm

    Objectively read, this is a good advice for Nairobi women, especially those who fight with their men thinking they are on the same level, bruising his ego without care. I have had such a relationship and trust me, a man needs his ego to achieve and love a woman, bruis it and he’ll be gone no sooner.

    • Naomi
      June 21, 2013 at 11:27 am

      This is Wow! thanks Kagiri!

    • Chrissie
      August 20, 2013 at 3:09 pm

      We are on the same level! It’s all about mutual respect. Nobody is above the other

  13. egomo
    August 3, 2012 at 9:04 am

    Most people destroy their marriages through bad communication, your teaching can actually make them stand.

  14. ningi
    August 1, 2012 at 11:14 am

    pls receive email

  15. carol
    August 1, 2012 at 8:00 am

    Nice stuff.

  16. PETER
    March 22, 2012 at 4:54 am


    • Tosh
      August 21, 2012 at 3:10 pm

      Well said Peter

  17. Carol
    March 21, 2012 at 7:01 pm

    Fantastic. Kindly send more to my email. Am in a relationship which is really promising i dont want to ruin things.

    • March 22, 2012 at 5:37 am

      Thanks for the compliment. Please subscribe to the blog by putting your email on the right hand side of the blog and you shall receive an email everytime we post


  18. lilie trevour's
    March 21, 2012 at 1:45 pm

    i have really learned a lot from this article ,keep it up.am sure that if women embrace these teachings then their men will be a lot happier and contend within the marriage/rlship. i know how self esteem issues can ruin someones life coz it harms their confidence hence taking a toll on their job performance as well as other crucial aspects of their lives

  19. Meshack
    March 16, 2012 at 1:56 pm

    Some of these things happen to us and we are driven out of our homes. Then the women say ‘nilimpatia kila kitu, na hakutosheka” forgetting the ego was bruised over and over again until he felt irrelevant in the house. Good article i must echo especially now that i am a married man.

  20. janifer.
    February 19, 2012 at 2:35 pm

    sometimes yu sacrifice so much in the name of also family values ..yu want even to kind of make yua marriage be an example to others..so tat yuafriends can also see vallue in marriage…then here comes primitive sister inlaws who feel yu r being kept like a queen n goes a head wants to even suggest on tearing yua marriage apart wants to use witchcrafts charmsto see it down.feeling like yu r instructing the bro not to give n provide for them..what advice do yu give to married men who wants to stay n invite their sisters in their homes and also ends up to b the sufferers ,can even end contracting tis charms making them mad,ending up in broken marriages divorces separation in the name of brotherhood n sisterhoood because of jelousy..give us apiece of advice in tis percpective of inlaws..thank sana.

  21. Simon
    February 19, 2012 at 4:55 am

    Hello kagiri,
    This is a good and timely article.
    I suffered humiliation from my wife about 2 years ago and ended up with a mistress who i think i love.the problem is i adore my daughter and my wife has come around as well.what should i do since i feel that this other lady was there for me when my wife wasn’t.please help.

    • February 19, 2012 at 1:19 pm

      Please Email me for a a personal engagement


  22. Purity
    February 9, 2012 at 2:39 pm

    Hey Kagiri, donno y ths topic hurts. Maybe its coz i was raised in a volatile family or coz for a looooong time (30yrs) i viewed ALL men as egocentric pigs. I cud go on n on about the hurt n confusion i grew up with n the many opportunities iv missed out on coz of my negative att concerning mens ego. Ephesians talks of men loving their wives as Christ loved the church. Did Christ ever demand to be treated in certain way coz He was a man – NO! He was the epitome of gentleness itself n even tho man can never be like Christ, they can atleast try to emulate Him. My past hardened me, made me very cautious n strong willed..coz of ths najipata in a fix of “now wot did i say or do wrong ths time “.. Im currently in a promising relp n find myself in a whirl coz wen i wanna affirm, i end up defusing the ego. I find myself trying sooo hard to make my guy know that i trust him n i hv his back but ai hii ego sijui kuido? At times i need/want him to earn it but at other times (coz nampenda) i wanna affirm him bila him having to deserve/earn it.. Kagiri plz teach the many ladies like me who hv seen the ugly side of a mans ego that there is a gd side to the ego that needs to be strenthened. Teach us HOW TO pamper a mans ego coz many like me try but get it all wrong.

    • Purity
      August 13, 2013 at 8:57 am

      what Purity do you carry my experience?i hated men with passion!!somehow i found myself in a relationship its promising and this guy is just amazing i just keep praying that he wont change or remind me of the experience i had in my upbringing.

  23. peris
    February 8, 2012 at 3:53 pm

    this is awasome

  24. dee
    February 6, 2012 at 7:51 pm


  25. Nicholas njagi
    February 6, 2012 at 7:02 pm

    Thank u for the enlightment keep up n GOD BLESS

  26. Nicholas njagi
    February 6, 2012 at 7:01 pm

    Thank u for the enlightment

  27. SIR, JOEL
    February 6, 2012 at 4:42 pm


  28. Mben
    February 6, 2012 at 3:10 pm

    The hardest thing under the sun is to live with a woman who will always want to be on top of the man. If the man is bitter with her, she will not thrive in anything she does because she needs her man’s blessing. I tell you submission is the hardest thing on earth that a woman can ever do. Even the word “sorry” is difficult to come from her mouth. A man will say “sorry” but a woman will never, she’d rather die than say it. It’s not that we men are perfect but it’s good to have a level ground to walk on. If a woman wants to win an arguement with her loud mouth, that’s fine because she’ll win the contest and loose the battle towards the solution.

  29. Mben
    February 6, 2012 at 2:53 pm

    Atleast we see some truth that supports us men. Women always think they’re angels with no mistakes. Kuddos Kagiriwaithera

  30. Patrick
    February 2, 2012 at 4:37 am

    Ladies, it’s not that men are more human beings than you but rather to enhance peaceful co-existence and understanding – a vital ingredient for a good and stable family.

  31. ciku
    February 1, 2012 at 4:15 pm

    In my knowledge bag 4 future reference……………great advice

  32. Felix
    February 1, 2012 at 12:27 pm

    Good work Kagiriwait…

  33. lydia uimbia
    January 31, 2012 at 10:27 am

    You saved me!thats all i can say.

  34. colo
    January 30, 2012 at 11:19 am

    nice article

  35. Eric George
    January 27, 2012 at 7:38 pm

    Wow. Awesome advice

  36. rkmn
    January 27, 2012 at 7:39 am

    Would and is it right to massage the confidence of a man (husband) who doe not provide at all for his family and does not care about his wife’s or children’s health and well being?

    • January 27, 2012 at 6:25 pm

      Ideally men women should care and submit to their husbands and make a good home. MEN should love and care for their wifes and families on the other hand. We dont do good to those we love coz they are good but because we love them so i wud say dont say you wont be good coz they are not good. However there are special cases of irresponsible men/women that needs to be addressed. if it a unique case feel free to contact men on kagiri.anthony@gmail.com

  37. Linda S
    January 27, 2012 at 6:49 am

    I f only he will be faithful.. all that I will do and much more

    • January 27, 2012 at 7:20 am

      Dont wait for him to be faithful so that you can do this, be the love he needs and you will turn him into the man you need

      • Tosh
        August 21, 2012 at 3:15 pm

        …can that really happen? ‘turn him into the man you need?’

  38. freddie
    January 26, 2012 at 5:39 am

    Simply Genius.

  39. wilfred
    January 25, 2012 at 6:24 pm

    great info n good work kagiri

  40. Maggy
    January 25, 2012 at 5:22 pm

    Am so grateful for the info. keep it up kagiri

  41. rEH nZIOKI
    January 25, 2012 at 4:37 pm

    Its very true n encouraging.thanx

  42. Karen Gakii
    January 25, 2012 at 3:41 pm

    I won’t and I will never massage a man’s ego, he needs to earn that by loving and respecting me the way I should. That’s a commandment from God and i don’t need to do anything 2 deserve it. Submission is enough. Serving guest,relatives and other small favours lyk those…ha!!! he needs to earn them.

    • Felix
      February 1, 2012 at 12:24 pm

      Read that same Bible again, dont blow up things. Marriage is not a contract thing that each party must do his/her part if the contract is breached even at the mistake of one party, the whole thing falls. It is a field where one’s failure/weakness needs to be nursed to be fruitful n effective. You need to massage/nurture that ego unless you want to lose him. Learn this, if any man (human being) can not love,submit,respect and relate well with God not even to his/her fellow human being will he/she do it. Reference Phil 2:1-11

  43. Ones
    January 25, 2012 at 1:04 pm

    Great mesge

  44. James chege
    January 25, 2012 at 11:16 am

    Thanx 4d phenomenal job ur doin.its an eye opener.kudos!

    January 25, 2012 at 10:07 am


  46. January 25, 2012 at 8:27 am

    It is a good piece of advice.

  47. January 25, 2012 at 7:46 am

    very insightful

  48. james
    January 25, 2012 at 7:15 am

    very true,are ladiez reading ths??????

  49. Enid Sheilla
    January 25, 2012 at 6:32 am

    This is powerful.

  50. Rose ndunda
    January 25, 2012 at 5:26 am

    Very good msg n an eye opener. I wish to practice this. Give us more.

  51. Wambui mwangi
    January 25, 2012 at 4:51 am

    I get the point.

  52. Regina Akinlabi
    January 24, 2012 at 9:44 pm

    Of a truth…

  53. Makandi wa kombo
    January 24, 2012 at 7:01 pm

    Eheee we too nid a massage not u only but its a lesson learn nyce thread!

  54. January 24, 2012 at 5:42 pm

    Quite informative

  55. Cosmas
    January 24, 2012 at 5:25 pm

    Hi check this!

  56. Kenince
    January 24, 2012 at 4:06 pm

    I think I spoke too early…good stuff!

  57. Eddy wambui
    January 24, 2012 at 3:50 pm

    Kagiri tupe zaidi atleast tuone whether marriages wil work n last 4 long,may da lord keep speakin to u brother,u really r a blessing to us,thankyou!

  58. ruth
    January 24, 2012 at 9:48 am

    I agree with this.I wish we ladies could put it into practice.

  59. Wairison mbuthia
    January 24, 2012 at 8:02 am

    This is really great. I am happy that I have also known better about myself too.

  60. patrick muema malei
    January 23, 2012 at 4:05 pm

    wow! this is great. can i get a book of this type anywhere in nairobi?

  61. January 23, 2012 at 3:54 pm


  62. Rev Manaseh
    January 23, 2012 at 2:15 pm

    Very interesting

  63. otsham
    January 23, 2012 at 2:13 pm

    Umegonga ndipo! Sio kwamba mimi ni mwanamume, lakini ni mawaidha ambayo wanadada wetu wanayahitaji zaidi, na haswa wale walio na kisomo na vyeo kazini. Familia ni muhimu kuliko masomo na vyeo. Tungalitumia masomo haya na vyeo hizi kuzijenga familia zetu ingekuvyema zaidi kuliko kuvitumia kudunishana na kuleta malumbano. Kila mtu anayo taasuba lakini la muhimu ni ni kuelewana.

  64. vickie
    January 23, 2012 at 12:22 pm


  65. Cess
    January 23, 2012 at 11:44 am

    Thanx alot now let men know wat women need.gud work

  66. Ngigi
    January 23, 2012 at 9:44 am

    On relationship matters, Kagiri is rivaled by none. He has a way of hitting the nail on the head without offending anyone. How blessed!

  67. Maryanne
    January 23, 2012 at 9:41 am

    Gd job right thea nw enlighten our men on wat women want.

  68. samuel
    January 23, 2012 at 9:15 am

    Guys i love your teaching you have good stuff …. it is great. God bless you with more

  69. January 23, 2012 at 9:12 am

    Interesting read!!!!

  70. January 23, 2012 at 9:00 am

    …tell that to the modern independent woman,you might just end up with a slap. I like your work kagiri,its an eye opener to many who didn’t know these things. Would you kindly cover this topic “Act like a lady,think like a man”? Your extensive research and innovation as well as intuition will definately shine a light on it. Once again kudos on what you are doing…

  71. ann
    January 23, 2012 at 8:30 am

    This I totally agree. Its not easy, but it can be done and it works. Thanks, God bless u.

  72. Betoh
    January 23, 2012 at 7:47 am

    Great stuff Kagiri once more.

  73. Chiira
    January 23, 2012 at 7:39 am

    That is great, keep up. Next 4 men.

  74. Chege Martin
    January 23, 2012 at 7:32 am

    That’s the truth. but how many people understands this?

  75. January 23, 2012 at 7:18 am

    Great advise right there for wonderful ladies.

  76. Ruth
    January 23, 2012 at 7:17 am

    Good to know this. Thanks

  77. January 23, 2012 at 7:10 am

    I just do not know what to say. You are such a blessing! God bless you for teaching us the nitty gritty of the marriage institution.

  1. August 21, 2013 at 7:30 am

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