When you marry a boring man…..
Most women love fun and crave for family romance but average men perform poorly in these.
A good number of men are completely clueless on how spice up the marriage. An average man is responsible enough to provide for his family and offer security but creating family fun is a weakness to many.
If you are lucky you will get one who understands the basics. That of buying you chocolate, occasional flowers and a once in a long while dinner outing.
He might be good in providing for the family and is faithful to you but the missing small things can easily lead to lack of fulfillment in marriage.
While these major things are the building pillars of any marriage the small things spice it up. Family fun and romance adds flavor to the relationship.
The automatic reaction of an average woman when she discovers her man is ‘boring’ is to rant about it and let all her friends know she married a mshamba. The tendency is to give up on ever sharing fun and family romance with him and choosing to enjoy life with the children and friends.
The danger here is that you miss out on the fulfilling opportunity of sharing and enjoying life as a couple. Extremes of this solo fun have also resulted to infidelity.
Since you already in it your best bet is to make the best out of it; to resolve to make it work. The first place to start is to appreciate his strengths, those things that attracted you to him. This appreciation helps you acknowledge there is nothing wrong with your man only that there are things he does better.
Your next step is to resist the temptation of gossip. Broadcasting it to your girl friends never helps the situation. It has a way of taking your eyes from appreciating the good things he has and consumes the remaining confidence you have in him. Never allow your husband to be the Chama gossip or the girls out hot topic. This safeguards the respect of your man and ensures you remain focused to work on it.
Having protected your man from outsiders and appreciating his strength your next step is to create the family fun you would want to have in your marriage.
Speak your mind
One of the biggest mistakes women make is imagining that their husbands will figure out their needs. Even when it seems so obvious what works for you most men fail terribly to figure it out. You might be mourning that he does not care about you yet he is confused on what to do to make you happy. Speak it in black and white or other times proverbially but ensure you communicate.
If he is buying a lot of dresses yet you love trousers let him know. Don’t allow him to keep buying red roses whereas you want yellow ones. He might not meet your needs as fast as you would like but at least he knows.
It wound help to understand his view of good family time and romance. Get into his world and get what works for him. However ‘danda’ he looks you will be surprised that he has something. Working together with him and through sober talking you will be able to create your own fashion of fun and family romance.
The key here is to ensure that you don’t get obsessed with your fashion of fun and attempt to drag him into it because you will fail terribly.
It is good to appreciate that all relationships are unique and therefore what works in one might not necessarily work in another. Your call is to avoid duplicating what your friend is doing but to go the extra mile and create a world of fun that fits the two of you.
Fulfilling marriage is about meeting your partner’s needs and meeting them in the best way he/she would feel appreciated. Family fun needs a creative and dedicated heart. It calls us to resist the temptation of blame game and take on the cloth of responsibility.
It doesn’t have to be all extraordinary expensive things but small yet special things could do the trick. Think about candle lit dinner, a dinner out, a family weekend holiday or a Sunday afternoon family outing.
Whereas naturally the man should initiate these when you know he has a weakness take up the lead and ensure that your family is complete. Instead of ranting about it appreciate his other strengths and make it your business to spice up the union.