Home > Fulfilling marriages..... > When you marry a boring man…..

When you marry a boring man…..

Most women love fun and crave for family romance but average men perform poorly in these.

A good number of men are completely clueless on how spice up the marriage. An average man is responsible enough to provide for his family and offer security but creating family fun is a weakness to many.

If you are lucky you will get one who understands the basics. That of buying you chocolate, occasional flowers and a once in a long while dinner outing.

He might be good in providing for the family and is faithful to you but the missing small things can easily lead to lack of fulfillment in marriage.

While these major things are the building pillars of any marriage the small things spice it up. Family fun and romance adds flavor to the relationship.

Remain Positive:

The automatic reaction of an average woman when she discovers her man is ‘boring’ is to rant about it and let all her friends know she married a mshamba. The tendency is to give up on ever sharing fun and family romance with him and choosing to enjoy life with the children and friends.

The danger here is that you miss out on the fulfilling opportunity of sharing and enjoying life as a couple. Extremes of this solo fun have also resulted to infidelity.

Since you already in it your best bet is to make the best out of it; to resolve to make it work. The first place to start is to appreciate his strengths, those things that attracted you to him. This appreciation helps you acknowledge there is nothing wrong with your man only that there are things he does better.

Your next step is to resist the temptation of gossip. Broadcasting it to your girl friends never helps the situation. It has a way of taking your eyes from appreciating the good things he has and consumes the remaining confidence you have in him. Never allow your husband to be the Chama gossip or the girls out hot topic. This safeguards the respect of your man and ensures you remain focused to work on it.

Having protected your man from outsiders and appreciating his strength your next step is to create the family fun you would want to have in your marriage.

Speak your mind

One of the biggest mistakes women make is imagining that their husbands will figure out their needs. Even when it seems so obvious what works for you most men fail terribly to figure it out. You might be mourning that he does not care about you yet he is confused on what to do to make you happy. Speak it in black and white or other times proverbially but ensure you communicate.

If he is buying a lot of dresses yet you love trousers let him know. Don’t allow him to keep buying red roses whereas you want yellow ones. He might not meet your needs as fast as you would like but at least he knows.

It wound help to understand his view of good family time and romance. Get into his world and get what works for him. However ‘danda’ he looks you will be surprised that he has something. Working together with him and through sober talking you will be able to create your own fashion of fun and family romance.

The key here is to ensure that you don’t get obsessed with your fashion of fun and attempt to drag him into it because you will fail terribly.

Don’t Copy:

It is good to appreciate that all relationships are unique and therefore what works in one might not necessarily work in another. Your call is to avoid duplicating what your friend is doing but to go the extra mile and create a world of fun that fits the two of you.

Fulfilling marriage is about meeting your partner’s needs and meeting them in the best way he/she would feel appreciated. Family fun needs a creative and dedicated heart. It calls us to resist the temptation of blame game and take on the cloth of responsibility.

It doesn’t have to be all extraordinary expensive things but small yet special things could do the trick. Think about candle lit dinner, a dinner out, a family weekend holiday or a Sunday afternoon family outing.

Whereas naturally the man should initiate these when you know he has a weakness take up the lead and ensure that your family is complete. Instead of ranting about it appreciate his other strengths and make it your business to spice up the union.

  1. Sandra
    April 3, 2014 at 7:58 pm

    Thanks for your words of encouragement, this article speaks to me, I will take your advice and try to improve my relationship. I really enjoy reading it.

  2. Beth
    April 6, 2013 at 1:19 pm

    Beautiful and good words there! Thanx for the information.

  3. Bill Smathers
    January 4, 2013 at 6:59 pm

    The trick is to marry a woman that doesn’t expect you to entertain her. If that’s what she wants MOVE ON. Trust me. It’s far more trouble than it’s worth. A relationship is supposed to be enjoyably,not some kind of stress-fest being a dancing puppet for some woman.

    • March 26, 2013 at 8:32 am

      Very well put Bill. That’s what I do. Unfortunately, quite a significant number of women are only concerned about THEIR happiness only. It’s always about a man who will cater for all their needs. Few even ask themselves what they are giving back. It’s not bad to seek a man who will make you happy, but I always feel such women are just too selfish. Love and marriage is two way; both partners have to contribute.

  4. Madeline Gurupira
    August 1, 2012 at 10:55 am

    ooh great! i have leant something

  5. March 10, 2012 at 6:44 pm

    very true, they should speak instead of waiting for the man to read their minds

  6. amos
    January 17, 2012 at 7:42 am

    ooops,what a wonderful site!

  7. mwanz
    January 15, 2012 at 3:22 pm

    wow moooooooore!

  8. January 9, 2012 at 3:56 pm

    Good advice to the ladies.I’ll make sure my wife reads this

  9. January 5, 2012 at 2:37 pm

    Awesome article……..!!!!

  10. January 5, 2012 at 2:36 pm

    Awesome article!!!!!

  11. Simon
    December 28, 2011 at 5:13 pm

    Every out have been allowing her to take little wine,amekuwa mlevi kabisa i think she is rather boring.

  12. George
    December 28, 2011 at 4:25 pm

    Hey bro, nice article. Please consider writing about the yet to get married. This will prepare us enough before making that very important decision and commitment to someone for ever. Ave been reading your articles and have been building me. Keep them coming Kagiri.


    • Geoffrey
      January 16, 2012 at 7:38 am

      Its new light to make people see. I like it

  13. jane
    December 28, 2011 at 4:06 pm

    Waoooh ths wads a wonderful wil mek use of ths piece whn i get married n i knw it wil wak out..

  14. December 28, 2011 at 10:46 am

    Nice, but treating a lady does not have to be so westernized with chocolates (several studies have linked processed chocolates to cancer and diabetes) nor flowers (growing flowers requires heavy use of toxic chemicals that are dangerous to the earth and underground water).

    I treat my girl by cooking great healthy food like organic chicken (kienyeji) + brown rice +potato salad << ecofriendly and no cancer :-)

  15. Alice wa Dan
    November 18, 2011 at 9:55 am

    I sincerely love this.

  16. dee
    August 13, 2011 at 4:09 pm

    tumia picha za wakenya

  17. njoro
    August 12, 2011 at 3:19 pm

    i like the bit. ‘don’t copy’ keep up the messages coming

    • August 12, 2011 at 3:22 pm

      You are welcome brother, i can see umeanza ata wewe…we need to hear more about fatherhood bro

  18. July 18, 2011 at 2:03 pm

    thats great post there n it inspires alot. can also get other posts on relationships at http://www.womanbuzz.blogspot.com

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