Love isn’t a feeling, it’s a responsibility!

Love is not how we feel about the other person; it is about what we do for them because of what we feel for them.

So often I hear people say, “I don’t know why I love but I just do.” Many times those who say this statement end up in frustrated relationships and marriages if not break ups and divorce.

You see feeling nice about somebody is all superficial. Sometimes is because of how they look, talk, dress or for the religious amongst us, because your spirits connect. However that is all you can get from it, just a feeling. One needs to move the feeling to responsibility. You grow that feeling and make it meaningful by how we treat each other.

One lesson I have learnt in my short time being married is that there is no formula to taking responsibility. It is all about basics. The old style works. Let us start with being a husband. Many men will say that women are a hard lot to understand but the problem is that we spend a lot of times trying to understand the woman and miss the point in making them happy. The secret is in not overthinking it. When you start with the basics the rest tends to fall into place, all you need is to be alert to learn.

There is no woman in this world that doesn’t long for that man who will give them security. From financial security to emotional security, be on top of it. A man got to figure how to pay bills on time, put aside money for a rainy day and invest for the future.  A man got to know how to fix broken things in the house (even if it means calling the plumber) closing the doors before going to bed and carrying the potatoes and other heavy things up the stairs.

Once you have got the basics right women tend to get comfortable to drop hints of what they want next.  She will now start mentioning things like gifts, dinner date and the like. You won’t have to struggle to know what she loves most. My point is you cannot start thinking about how to spice the marriage when you haven’t figured out the basics of providing and being the man

The same applies to the woman. Basics will always work for your man. Being a good home keeper is top on that list. Even when you are the CEO, you family loves your touch. When a man finds a good home cooked meal, a well-kept bedroom, a variety of new recipes, it makes them feel someone took time to think about them. And you don’t have to be the superwoman who does all these, but get it done. It might mean getting help from outside but be in charge.

When we take care of the basics then we can move on to the next level of figuring out how to keep the passion burning. No matter how much money you spend on her birthday, if you cannot give her security that might not mean much. Even when as the woman you have dressed your best for him and been the best in the bedroom, it is easily forgotten if he has to endure badly cooked food by the house girl every day.

I believe our relationships could be much happier if only men could figure out the Leader part of being a Husband and the women the helper part of being a wife.